nutella sex= disaster
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
