I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to align my fucking chakras
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
