I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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