hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
