So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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