see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
