Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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