I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
