A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
