their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
pray to the hookup gods
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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