im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
