don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
