Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
