Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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