he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
