I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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