i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
