can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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