Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
