I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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