I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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