I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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