Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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