just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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