my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
lets start a swedish sibling band together
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
