1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
