you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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