He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
