why didn't you poke me back
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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