Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
