At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
