Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
