i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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