I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
