dude i'm inner monologue high
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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