I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
