OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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