Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
