I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
