I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize