you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
