He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
