I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize