i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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