Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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