Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
