I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
