God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
