i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
