Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
