don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
