Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
