There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
