Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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