the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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