I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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