how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
