i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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