Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The power of my boobs compel you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
