Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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