the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize