you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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