in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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