he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
