Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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