I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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