i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
