Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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