In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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