I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
