remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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